The weirdest thing about the LSD session I had with Marcel was that it offered me exactly what I was hoping for: a new way of viewing myself, the world and my place in it.
I was rejected by my parents on many levels and from a very young age, so my sense of self had always been distorted by their expectations of me and growing up I had always wanted to be somewhere else than where I would find myself. I veered off my parents’ paths and still felt discontented. I would easily become angered, frustrated and disappointed even after I met a partner who loved me only for who I was, still an unknown to me. I went into therapy for a few years during my 40s which helped enormously, yet when my father died a few months ago a big sense of imbalance descended upon me.
I had been aware of the use of psychedelics in therapy and the effects I had read LSD had on people sounded like just the ticket for me. I got in touch with Triptherapie and booked a session with Marcel.
The communication beforehand was thorough and detailed: very helpful. When I met Marcel I knew what to expect in terms of the structure of the session. Marcel was calm, reassuring, open about his own experiences with psychedelics and interested in my reasons of being there.
The trip itself was nothing like I had ever experienced. My mind and body out of the way, the music incredibly helpful, the visuals spectacular, for about five hours I found myself in the centre of something enormous, the universe itself, in which I was an organic and necessary part. I felt in my bone marrow the pain of the whole world, got overwhelmed by immense sadness, experienced tremendous anxiety, unbearable cacophony and then the most wonderful silence, peace, tranquility and love, the most profound relief.
I abandoned myself to all of the above and realised that they are all parts of the cosmos, parts of me, and not one of them can exist without the rest.
At the end of the session I chatted more with Marcel about the experience and when I was ready and feeling safe he left so that I could rest.
In the weeks that followed our meeting I’ve been processing the experience and I have felt more relaxed in my own skin than ever before. I have realised that I am the result of millions of influences, accidents and circumstances that have made me inevitably who I am, that the place I find myself each moment is also inevitably the outcome of countless actions and reactions and that I don’t need to worry about the future cause it will also be shaped by me in one hand and on the other by so many other factors that are beyond my control.
It’s also become clear that the world wouldn’t and won’t be the same without me, without my influence, starting from the simple act of breathing and extending to whatever action I have taken and will take during my lifetime, influence that will keep shaping the world way after my passing.
This has been a life changing experience, not just complimentary to other soul searching work I have done but all encompassing and consequential.
Panos
