Five years ago, I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD, something I’d never heard of before. For years I have used talking therapies, yoga, diet, meditation and exercise, all of which helped me feel better but only up to a point. After reading Judith Herman and Bessel van der Kolk, I found a clinical psychologist specialising in PTSD and have worked with them for 3-4 years on and off, mostly using various EMDR techniques. This has worked brilliantly for the events in my life where emotions triggered in the present were clearly rooted in experiences from the past. I no longer lie awake raging about something that happened 30 years ago. But it worked less well where strong emotional memories had no corresponding experiential memory in the past or present, which meant I would attach them inappropriately to something in the present or else feel suffocated by them. I read that psychedelic therapy, especially using MDMA, was proving effective for C-PTSD and further research led me to Triptherapie. Obviously as these therapies are not yet licensed my therapist was not able to advise me but agreed to continue working with me if I decided to go ahead.
I chose to work with Marcel because of his depth of knowledge of psychedelics and how they work. I trusted him immediately, which was unusual for me (less unusual now!) and had three MDMA sessions with him over six months. While not always comfortable, each trip was amazing and insightful in its own way, releasing old habits and ideas, bringing new understanding and perspectives, as well as a new sense of openness, particularly towards friends and people in general. My therapist is stunned by the change. I still have stuff to work through and my last session is still processing, but most importantly, I no longer feel controlled by the past - which is huge - and instead feel able to navigate whatever the future brings. Huge thanks to Marcel, who is an excellent and insightful guide. Feeling safe was a massively important factor for me setting out on this adventure and with Marcel I never felt unsafe. Honestly, the man has the patience of a saint and I would recommend him to anyone. Thanks also to Janneke for her kind support between sessions.