Integration session with a low dose of MDMA

My friend and I arranged to travel from the UK to attend this joint integration session with Ronald. In my case, it was because I felt something was left unresolved following my last MDMA session (I had 3 private sessions in 2023 and 2024). Each of these sessions was incredibly helpful and absolutely life-changing, but I noticed that when it came to certain conversations, I was either dishonest or changed the subject, so I wanted to explore further this inability to engage with emotionally difficult subject matter. In the end, just explaining the problem to Ronald in our preparatory zoom chat already did a lot to unlock it, but it was still useful and interesting to explore it further in our session, using elements of IFS therapy and psychodrama and a small (25mg) dose of MDMA. I had never done this kind of work with other people before so this was really new territory for me and I was amazed by how much emotional resonance we all felt from the work we did together.

I felt safe with Ronald from the start. He is warm, kind and genuine, and was not at all ego-driven in the way he guided our session, but approached it as a fellow human being assisting us on a voyage of discovery.

Immediately after the session, I was completely exhausted and could barely stay awake on the train back to Amsterdam. I then slept for 10 hours and felt great and completely energised the next day! In the days following, I had an important (to me anyway, it's probably obvious to anyone else) realisation. I had been thinking about integration as matching the person I am on the inside to be more like the person I show to the world, when in fact I also have to think of it the other way around – that the inner person is also me and needs to be expressed too.